It's been one of those days again at work. I had halfway expected it, because it was Friday the 13th when I got here (gotta love night shift, because the day changes halfway through your shift). We get a lot of those calls that make you scratch your head or just sit for a second with your mouth open in disbelief...and we got a couple good ones earlier, that made me think of some others I've taken or been here for. So, for tonight's blog, a list of those calls or comments that make you stop and say, "Could you repeat that?"
Lady: My dog is going crazy. He's a prostitute dog, you know, like a drug dog and he's barking.
Man: I've been throwing up black stuff for 3 hours.
Me: I'll get you an ambulance on the way.
Man: I don't want an ambulance, I want you to tell me what this stuff is.
Me: (mentally) Gross? Nasty? Death? A cause for an ambulance? (verbally) I can't give you medical advice sir. Would you like an ambulance?
Man: Nah I'll just sleep it off.
Lady: I've taken pictures, mapped out a trail of the blood spatter, and I'm trying to get a mold of the teeth marks. Can you send me an officer to make an official report?
Me: Ma'am what's happened? Who is hurt?
Lady: My cat was bitten by something. Probably the neighbor's dog. Maybe officers can get some hair samples and help me prove it.
Me: (once I recovered) Ma'am officers don't come out to that.
Lady: Well then what do I do about my cat!!!!!
Me: An after-hours vet is probably the best bet ma'am.
Man: A troll threw me in a ditch. I need an ambulance.
Lady: I called 25 minutes ago about an ambulance.
Me: Ma'am an ambulance is on the way, you only called 6 minutes ago.
Lady: The Grim Reaper is gonna take me before they get here. Don't you care if I die? Y'all are just sorry.
Me: (again after a short recovery period) Ma'am they are coming as fast as they can, but they have to drive there and drive safely.
Man: I need an ambulance.
Me: Yes sir. What's wrong?
Man: I think I'm dying. I haven't eaten in a week and I can smell my kidney's from the other room.
I didn't have a response for that other than to send an ambulance, because I still haven't figured out how he got into a different room from his kidneys or why they smelled.
Lady: These here dogs need help. Someone glued them together. They can't get separated and the one on bottom is moaning like it's in pain.
Me:Ma'am the dogs are fine.
No, I wasn't willing to tell her they were copulating. Not a chance.
There are days when my job is very stressful, or sad, or hard. But some days it's downright funny....after I recover enough from the shock to laugh.
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